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> Nerv's Works, Previous title was getting a tad retarded.
NervPoison
post Jul 28 2007, 07:32 PM
Post #21



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I'm writing this because I have the feeling that I've wrote more sombre poems than bright, and I don't want you guys (shyman and...?) to think that I'm a pessimist on the verge of depression. biggrin.gif
Will use colour mixing again though. I hope to "enhance" this particular poem with it.

=========================

Unseen Landscapes

I've only seen mountains smile
When they wake up
Underneath a meadow blanket
One that you had mingled

In our merged hearts
Volcanoes are caressed
By the purest of rivers
Therefore we are in love

We guide eachother
To new and unseen landscapes
And on blazing tundras I'd declare
I'd terraform myself for you

==========================

I know, corny isn't it? dry.gif
By the way, terraforming is the hypothetical process of making a planet habitable to humans (by changing the climate for example).
Opinions?


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NervPoison
post Jul 30 2007, 06:59 PM
Post #22



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Another story-related one (this one is actually cited by one of the characters).

Reality Never Kills At Whim

As the first one walked into the ring
Aggression prepared to sting
Please take note of this one thing
To hands and fists one mustn't cling
For glory to take you under its wing
As the shining one hides its face
Fearing every change of pace
There is naught left but its disgrace
That it must give in to this place
And bitterly give up its chase
As the sweet one's kiss will shift
Ever so much and ever so swift
In doubt and sorrow she will drift
The kindness of many was not a gift
But rather that which caused her to rift
And as the brave one dances mad
He becomes a lion instead of a lad
In youth and future he is clad
But despite the secrets he has had
't Is not remorse that makes him sad...
At the noise of truth
Solution shivers apart


Need opinions on this one, 'cause I honestly don't know what I should think of this. You have my thanks in advance. smile.gif


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Dawn
post Jul 30 2007, 07:04 PM
Post #23



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The last one took its guts, since rhyme is something difficult at times, and it also has the strong and epic atmosphere I think it was writen for.

Good job indeed


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Once known as shyman

QUOTE(Steve Kilbey)
Something must be wrong when weapons are legal and pot is banned


QUOTE(rainbowbrat)
I am a carnivore, though, I eat all kinds of meat :p


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NervPoison
post Jul 31 2007, 06:08 PM
Post #24



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^Thanks, shyman. Your feedback is what makes me putting these here.

There

I want to go back
Back to that place that has no time
There is this patch of universe
That I can name through the scent of its grass

Always remembered
Loved, cared for, worshipped
Though on my imaginary quest I confess
In perversion I forget the beating of the hearth

I praise it with the crown called Home
For even the most wayward of wayfarers
Need to be taken back
To that place that is nothing and everything


Corny imho. But I must write poems on a daily basis to harness my rhetorical skills that I need for writing.
Let me know what you think of it/them. smile.gif


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Dawn
post Aug 3 2007, 09:09 PM
Post #25



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Melancholic and strong at the same time. It is also quite of an ode I think

Very good too


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Once known as shyman

QUOTE(Steve Kilbey)
Something must be wrong when weapons are legal and pot is banned


QUOTE(rainbowbrat)
I am a carnivore, though, I eat all kinds of meat :p


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NervPoison
post Aug 6 2007, 06:12 PM
Post #26



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There are two puns in this first poem. If you can find them both I'll give you chocolate. tongue.gif

Temple Of Devotion

Even my footsteps long for her
And I ran along scurrying
Hurrying through restless valleys
To prevent a young flower
From dyeing in deep red

Long past forboding torches
The points of no return
I offered myself at the altar
Where you made me a high priest
Of the temple of devotion

Again right time
Once more right place
"Is this another chance encounter?"
"No" I said
"This must be faith."


The second one. It's been a while, and since poetry really is good practice for the time that I want to read something serious.

Love The Unforgiven

Ditch every angel and Come to a hell
That plays a neverending trick-Or-treat
Where the rejected fUse asunder
One that promises the Pleasure of pain

A time to Dance with every evening shade
To skate on the Edge of a sheathed sword

But the land between our hearts kept stirrinG
And maimed the newest paRt of me
She crAved one last scenario
Let my hand be a siCkening butterfly
The gentlEst way to lay her to rest


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Dawn
post Aug 6 2007, 08:50 PM
Post #27



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Coup de grace eh? tongue.gif

A very good one as well

But I fail to see the puns in the other one unknw.gif


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Once known as shyman

QUOTE(Steve Kilbey)
Something must be wrong when weapons are legal and pot is banned


QUOTE(rainbowbrat)
I am a carnivore, though, I eat all kinds of meat :p


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NervPoison
post Aug 6 2007, 09:46 PM
Post #28



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QUOTE
But I fail to see the puns in the other one

Hmm. They're difficult indeed. I'll let you in on them now since you're the only one who'll have a guess anyway. laugh.gif

Number 1:
"dyeing in deep red"
An allusion to "dying in deep red", an old expression for dying a bloody or extermely violent death. Here however, the verb is changed (to die ---> to dye) and refers to the skin turning red out of embarassment, shame or anger (but in this case refering to any unpleasant situation).

Number 2:
"this must be faith"
Since some people don't believe in chance encounters or coincidences at all, they believe in fate. Again, the word is slightly altered (fate ---> faith) and emphasises that the narrator believes in her and trusts her.

I find the last two poems more difficult to understand (in general) than the previous to be honest. Or maybe that's just me?
Anyway, more to come.


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Dawn
post Aug 7 2007, 07:47 AM
Post #29



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Well, sometimes that is the spice of poetry, making elaborate and sometimes cryptic pieces of writing. Deciphering them is a fine game


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Once known as shyman

QUOTE(Steve Kilbey)
Something must be wrong when weapons are legal and pot is banned


QUOTE(rainbowbrat)
I am a carnivore, though, I eat all kinds of meat :p


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NervPoison
post Aug 7 2007, 08:59 PM
Post #30



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Hiatus

For a little while
Tired of the spiral stairway
Pain doesn't care
Whether I go up or down
Chain my legs
But spare my tail of steam
Primeval sloth
A foetus fed with desolation
Rejected courage
Will only gets me so far
Air imprisons
Just need to break down a bit
And breathe...
.


Not my most original poem, but it's a poem.
Suffering writer's block, I think...


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NervPoison
post Aug 9 2007, 06:54 PM
Post #31



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The City Of Dis

Poured through the hourglass
Darkened souls have fallen
To and through the sixth circle

The distaste of dismay
The disclosure of discord

A hell where manmade fumes
Make it difficult to separate
The punishers from the punished

Dissipation, dissociating dispersal
Disquiet which led to dissonance

What has gone wrong?
Stone and steel feel ever colder
Our virtues seem prosthetic

We disregarded dissuading morals
Now we distantly disdain them

Those who have forgotten
The tingling touch of light
I bid thee welcome

D i s t o p i a

Where a different kind of heretic
Burns in a different kind of flame
And eventually dissolves


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NervPoison
post Aug 10 2007, 06:24 PM
Post #32



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Experimented with size and shape. The result is genuinely weird imo. I know of other poets who've done this. Anyhow, enjoy I guess. unsure.gif

Aviophobia

I don't like the skies
The hawk who is swift
The eagle who is sharp
The harpy who is cruel

Sometimes the sounds are heavenly
Affection from transcendence
I long for aerial waltzes but...
Fir
maments are better off without me

Jagged earth
Save me from the clouds
Layers of rock
Shield me from the wind


Birds will nest
And tempt me
But I'll stay here
On solid ground


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Dawn
post Aug 10 2007, 06:33 PM
Post #33



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Well, I guess writing more and more makes you better and better. These two ones are pretty strong, intrincated and brilliant. And the last one is quite curious with the shapes tongue.gif

Very good job


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Once known as shyman

QUOTE(Steve Kilbey)
Something must be wrong when weapons are legal and pot is banned


QUOTE(rainbowbrat)
I am a carnivore, though, I eat all kinds of meat :p


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NervPoison
post Aug 15 2007, 08:42 PM
Post #34



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Meh, I wrote better imo.

Apple Core

The world in all its patterns
Posesses all the smiles
Has all the grateful words
To thank you for your being
In many different tongues
I shall travel to paradise found
With you by my side
No search is fruitless
For I know that I am
Where all is dream
In the innermost
Diep vanbinnen
Im Innersten
Ŕ l'intérieur



Transistasis

Do you love or hate the need
The need to love and hate?
To have Thanatos step on your heart
While Eros sleeps esteemed
Man and his best enemy
A perfectly open system

To love means to bond
With ribbons and rings
Hating is strangling
With serpents and chains
Pain and joy, a mutual goal
They both want to touch

Entwine into one
The circuit of alternate current
Release your merciful heat
The thirst for blood as it may flow
Be and become
Togetherness
I can hate
I can love
Existence is nigh


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NervPoison
post Sep 9 2007, 07:18 PM
Post #35



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Not my best, not my worst imo. May use these in stories as well.

Pollen From A Thorn Bush

Wandering the streets at night
People tend to get lost
In fear, or so I hear
Of the malicious lilin
Clad in stench
That you've never smelt

Sheathe your fury and your fire squad
Bend the barrel of your hatred
Will you listen when I say:
"Justice herself is a fair lady
But stalk her too closely
And she'll choke and burn out"

Ready your pitchforks
Ask me my name
I am the devil's advocate
Fond of remembering
That even evil
Has the right to wander



X-Ray Vision

Whack!
The walls are back
This time they shan't show the knack
To dent, or fall or break or crack

Blink!
Who was I to think
That you couldn't make them sink
And release me from my chosen clink

Boo!
There's something about you
You have more than a clue
I'm feeling quite see-through

Am I a prisoner with no cell?
Or am I a cell with no prisoner?


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Dawn
post Sep 10 2007, 12:42 PM
Post #36



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Apple Core and Transistasis are really resourceful compositions, the first one with use of a sentence in some languages and the second one with its mythological references. Pretty goood!!
Pollen from a Thorn Bush is another one I like a lot, with some dark references I guess. And another good use of rhyme in the last one.

Like I said, pretty good



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Once known as shyman

QUOTE(Steve Kilbey)
Something must be wrong when weapons are legal and pot is banned


QUOTE(rainbowbrat)
I am a carnivore, though, I eat all kinds of meat :p


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NervPoison
post Sep 12 2007, 05:51 PM
Post #37



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Sharks

Mother and daughter of perfection
There's something about you lately
An air of vacuum
There's something about you
And it's not me

You may sink your fangs into my stamina
I just want to be your nearest
My dearest

I don't mind being the bedlam
Hardly care for the emergency exit
Can plunge into a pool of blood
If only you could spare a smile
When sharks rip me to keepsakes

My sacrifice you may respire
It's never love I'll ask of you
Although it's love that I desire


I'm not very good with love poems, and this one's nothing new. unsure.gif
What do you think?


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NervPoison
post Sep 14 2007, 09:30 PM
Post #38



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666 reads. Teh coolness. biggrin.gif
Story-incorporated one, possibly.

Immorality In Tartarus

Intimate hell
Which kissed my heart to anthracite
Invincible hell
Which made my world crash
Idle hell
Which stole a sinner from purgatory
I should have known
The lady in red
Burns away her blush of shame
And purges it with fire


Tell me what you think.


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CREA
post Sep 14 2007, 09:33 PM
Post #39



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My fav is
My worls is one of Ice, especially:

QUOTE
Yes, in my palms lie countless blizzards
All diamonds carved from sadism
And still
Still I wish for the first snowflake to fall


I also love Ego. I've tried to write that way, but it never comes out nicely xD
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NervPoison
post Sep 15 2007, 04:51 PM
Post #40



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I gotta promise myself to spend more time on Kalliope: Being. I mean, not even the first chapter is finished yet. blink.gif
So from now on, I'm only going to write poems when I feel like writing but lack the time to write for Being properly.
(My apologies to those who like my poems, but Kalliope gets priority.)

Yonder Hill, Where Snakes Hiss And People Grovel

What lies on that yonder hill?
I've heard it's a land with statues of mud
Where they kneel for black clouds
And eat bread made of dust

Shadows of dirt and scarcity
Slide across poisonous snakes
Begging not to be bitten
But being bitten nonetheless

Once a haven of exhaustion
There is nothing left to overuse
A cure for a disease they didn't have
Turned into a disease that has no cure

And we sit upon our silver towers
Celebrate the messenger Guilt
For he tells us to turn our backs
And turning our backs we will


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